The great warrior, Dakka, was preparing to take the battlefield with his army. He had won many battles for his kingdom and built a pretty extravagant reputation for himself. Every citizen throughout the land knew his name. He did everything the right way. He built a righteous reputation from his strong character. He was loyal to his beautiful wife and avoided many trials that the evil in the world tempted him with. He and his wife had been together for many years, and they were one victory away from leading the kingdom. His father, the king, would retire and hand the thrown down to Dakka after this one last victory. Dakka prepared well. He avoided distractions and was focused leading up to the battle.
As the battle ensued, it was obvious which side was superior. Dakka and his forces were making quick work of the opposition that challenged their freedom. Once the smoke cleared, the kingdom's warriors stood victorious as the remnants of the opposing army fled in retreat. They celebrated an evening victory celebration that lasted all night. Multiple mistresses approached the heroic Dakka, but he refused all of their offerings. He remained by his beautiful wife's side as they celebrated another victory, another day of life, and the crown that they would assume the following day.
The following day consisted mostly of the crowning ceremony of Dakka and his wife as king and queen. As king Dakka wandered off after the ceremony, a beautiful women approached him. She spoke of how mighty and handsome he was, and as she spoke, Dakka's ears were falling in love with the sound of her sweet voice. He fell almost into a trance as he was in her presence. She was captivating. She spoke of her powerful kingdom over the hills and how they should run off together to rule for eternity. Dakka had it all here in his own kingdom, but still her words were tempting as she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Then he caught an image of what she really was. He saw through her deceitful shroud and realized she was a demon sent to destroy his character. He called her out, and the demon attacked! He slayed the demon, passed the test, and lived on with his wife as they ruled their beautiful kingdom.
I wanted to build a story with temptation similar to how the beautiful rashaki, Shurpanakha, tempted Rama in the forest. I wanted to build a famous and righteous warrior who had achieved it all. Then I wanted to temp the character with lust and see where the story went. I didn't decide to make him pass the test and remain loyal until I actually wrote it. I am happy the way it turned out, but I make expand on the story if I use it for my portfolio project.
Wow Dylan, that was a really intriguing story! You really drew me in with the descriptions about how he was basically the perfect man and warrior (strong, loyal, victorious,) and you immediately got me passionate and on his side. That's a powerful tool, being able to get the audience to root for a character within the first paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how he knew the temptress was a demon? You mentioned he caught a glimpse of her, but what changed so he could actually see he as she was, not as a beautiful woman? And I even wonder what she looked like, both in her woman form and her natural demonic form.
What if you delved more into the stories within the story more? There are lots of opportunities to expand on and paint pictures with Dakka's victories, and describing the battle not just how it was won, and even describing what the "beautiful woman" looked like. That would make the story even more compelling if you used it in your portfolio!
Hey Dylan,
ReplyDeleteEpic story dude. Love how you took the idea of temptation and made it your focal point, almost like a lense from which to write from. It sounds like it would turn into an awesome project, you could make different vices the theme and each one a different story connecting to the Ramayana. Keep going strong dude!
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting story to read and I really liked the way you retold this story. Dakka is a very strong warrior that I found interesting to read. I like how you placed the story with more common verbiage in it so it was easier to read in this day and age. I was wondering if you considered taking a different route with the ending? Maybe it could have ended on a more mysterious note? I love a happy ending as much as everyone else, but a cliff hanger is a heart stopper ending. I think it would be fun to add a fun twisting ending! But that is just my personal preference and it is your story, not mine. I can't wait to read other stories of yours and continue seeing what your writing style is like! Have fun writing more stories throughout the semester.
Hi Dylan!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story. I love how you used an idea from the reading and creating something unique. I think my favorite part was the ending. If you used this for your project, I would really focus in on the ending and expanding it. Give all the details! Overall, I really enjoyed this story a lot. Well done.